'Him’ Fumbles In the End Zone—Badly

This Jordan Peele-produced catastrophe is the most disappointing movie of the year.

“I have a question: What’s it like being the GOAT?”

When college football star Cameron Cade, played by “Tell Me Lies”’s Tyriq Withers, proposes this inquiry to his mentor, 8-time USFF champion Isiah White—played by Marlon Wayans—one word immediately came to mind: Beyoncé.

Gifts of her magnitude don’t grow on trees, and the unrivaled excellence she’s honed and wielded for decades is not for the weak. It’s a standard of greatness exceeded only by her work ethic, and while everyone claims they aspire to be great, only a scarce few are willing to put in the work to actually achieve it.

Ask Michael Jackson.

Ask Serena Williams.

Ask Ray J.

(Okay, fine. Don’t ask Ray J.)

“Him” is a film about greatness: The maniacal obsession to lay claim to it, the unfathomable trials to maintain it, and the excruciating sacrifices along the way.

Cam is nice as fuck at football—as in No. 1 overall pick in the draft type nice—but since movies about superstar college quarterbacks require an inciting incident, it’s only right that some unhinged asshole splits his wig after practice—leaving our beloved bright-skinned adonis with a career-threatening head injury.

I don’t know how the hell you’re supposed to survive the rigors of the draft combine with a broken skull, and apparently, Cam doesn’t either. Which puts our boy in a pretty fucked up predicament: Does he literally risk life, limb, and brain to impress scouts at the combine? Or does he stay his ass on the couch and inhale a couple dozen aspirin?

Neither, dammit. Because greatness beckons!

Cam learns that Isiah White, the legendary quarterback of the San Antonio Saviors—the team Cam’s spent his entire life developing a man-crush on—is considering retirement. So, to put our brain-damaged NIL hoarder to the test and see if he’s a worthy heir to Isiah’s all-time great mantle, he invites Cam to train in what looks like Trump’s musty toupee for a week.

This is the exact moment when things get…weird.

Once at the compound, Isaiah puts Cam through a perilous gauntlet of drills and other Iyanla Vanzant-inspired lunacy, pushing his mind, body, and blossoming CTE to the brink. But the more grotesque or absurd the trial—and trust me, things definitely get about as grotesque and absurd as humanly possible—the more confounding the film becomes until the end credits mercifully roll and you blurt out an audible, “What the fuck did I just watch?” like I did.

“Him” is a movie I really wanted to like. Anything with the words “Jordan” and “Peele” involved is an automatic watch. And with its familiar themes of masculinity, the unyielding pursuit of eminence, the commodification of Black bodies, idol worship, and the insidious underbelly of professional sports, it was easily one of my most anticipated films of the year.

I mean, look at this trailer. Can you blame me?!

However, “Him” is a resounding failure at achieving the same greatness it seeks to explore. Its grandiose machinations are rudimentary, and the illogical march to its conclusion is far more spectacle than substance.

And if this film’s goal is not only to be great, but to be even better—an affirmation Isiah literally beats into his could-be successor's head—then screenwriter-director Justin Tipping has much to learn from an actual all-time great like Beyoncé.